Spent a day and a half saying goodbye to the bravest woman I know. For the past 8 years, my college roommate Mary has been outsmarting cancer. We met for lunch in Lansing after the holidays in 2000. A couple of weeks later I called to ask her where she got the boots she had worn to lunch. The breast cancer diagnosis had been delivered that day. There were many other times when I called on the day she needed me. I expect she'll speak to me some way when the battle is over. In late fall of 2001 I accompanied her to New Orleans. The reconstruction surgeon, she found the best one in the country, tatooed nipples for her after all signs of cancer were gone. We shopped and savored the city. One evening found us following a Dixieland band into our hotel lobby where a bride and groom ended their reception with one last dance. It was delightful. Mary saw a psychic who told her to leave her job and be more creative. She closed her law practice, went to writer's retreats and took painting classes. Today she wanted me to take the outfit she bought during that trip.
After the New Orleans trip, we began our Labor Day weekends together at Gun Lake. Most every year we spent the summer days at her cottage, with her two young children running around us while we talked and laughed, read books and remembered our 20s. I had my children at 27 and 30. Mary was 42 when she had the twins. I married at 22, divorced at 32; we were 38 when Mary and Mark were married. Mary was a bridesmaid in my wedding.
In the fall of 2002, just when I was feeling empty-nested, the cancer had spread to her liver and bones. She found a treatment in Germany and I went along for the first week. It was my first trip to Europe. She had backpaced around four or five countries as a college sophomore. Mary was feeling good enough to have dinner out most of the week. We had Chinese food, Italian food, everything but German food. Daytimes she had infusions and tests. I read a lot of books, met a lot of people from various European countries who all spoke English, who all had cancer. Mary returned to the BadAibling clinic a number of times to receive the treatment that isn't approved in the states. Her liver was cancer free after a year.

For the past five years we've stayed in touch more than we have since we left college. She was here for my 50th surprise birthday party; and I went with her to Chicago for a new doctor and treatment. I didn't go to Gun Lake this Labor Day because it was the week after the wedding. Mark and Mary were at the wedding with the kids. She had said it for many years: "cancer free by Christmas." I was sure she was right. She attacked the monster with strategy, finding the best doctors and treatments; with lifestyle, changing most food to organic; and with karma, by being creative, and utilizing every spiritual tool available.
A few weeks ago her energy was fading, and she found out her liver was filled with the monster. When I left today they were going to celebrate Christmas early.
I have always called her "my Mary." I'm certain we'll stay connected.