Spent a day and a half saying goodbye to the bravest woman I know. For the past 8 years, my college roommate Mary has been outsmarting cancer. We met for lunch in Lansing after the holidays in 2000. A couple of weeks later I called to ask her where she got the boots she had worn to lunch. The breast cancer diagnosis had been delivered that day. There were many other times when I called on the day she needed me. I expect she'll speak to me some way when the battle is over. In late fall of 2001 I accompanied her to New Orleans. The reconstruction surgeon, she found the best one in the country, tatooed nipples for her after all signs of cancer were gone. We shopped and savored the city. One evening found us following a Dixieland band into our hotel lobby where a bride and groom ended their reception with one last dance. It was delightful. Mary saw a psychic who told her to leave her job and be more creative. She closed her law practice, went to writer's retreats and took painting classes. Today she wanted me to take the outfit she bought during that trip.
After the New Orleans trip, we began our Labor Day weekends together at Gun Lake. Most every year we spent the summer days at her cottage, with her two young children running around us while we talked and laughed, read books and remembered our 20s. I had my children at 27 and 30. Mary was 42 when she had the twins. I married at 22, divorced at 32; we were 38 when Mary and Mark were married. Mary was a bridesmaid in my wedding.
In the fall of 2002, just when I was feeling empty-nested, the cancer had spread to her liver and bones. She found a treatment in Germany and I went along for the first week. It was my first trip to Europe. She had backpaced around four or five countries as a college sophomore. Mary was feeling good enough to have dinner out most of the week. We had Chinese food, Italian food, everything but German food. Daytimes she had infusions and tests. I read a lot of books, met a lot of people from various European countries who all spoke English, who all had cancer. Mary returned to the BadAibling clinic a number of times to receive the treatment that isn't approved in the states. Her liver was cancer free after a year.

For the past five years we've stayed in touch more than we have since we left college. She was here for my 50th surprise birthday party; and I went with her to Chicago for a new doctor and treatment. I didn't go to Gun Lake this Labor Day because it was the week after the wedding. Mark and Mary were at the wedding with the kids. She had said it for many years: "cancer free by Christmas." I was sure she was right. She attacked the monster with strategy, finding the best doctors and treatments; with lifestyle, changing most food to organic; and with karma, by being creative, and utilizing every spiritual tool available.
A few weeks ago her energy was fading, and she found out her liver was filled with the monster. When I left today they were going to celebrate Christmas early.
I have always called her "my Mary." I'm certain we'll stay connected.

Holiday Shopping

Visited the dollar store last night to pick up gift bags and little add-ons for the presents I'm wrapping. One birthday and the first Christmas party this week. At the check out, along with the gum and eyeglass repair kits, hung home pregnancy tests. Talk about your impulse buys. I don't think I've ever seen condoms at the dollar store, have you? Are dollar stores owned by pro-lifers?

I'm imaging the checkout conversations. "No Billy, you can't have any more candy, pick something without sugar, how about this home pregnancy test." Or maybe, "Oh honey look, a home pregnancy test, I've been meaning to grab one of those." "Get a couple, they're only a buck."

Crafty Women

Sat with BFF Sandy on Saturday at her mom's women's club expo. Sandy is selling her crafts under the business name: Eye Candy By Sandy. Gotta love it. She is crocheting scarves and making purses out of placemats. Rain kept the crowds away but we enjoyed the day anyway. I brought a few crafting supplies of my own and made some Thanksgiving cards.

My baby is the same age I was when I had him

27 years ago yesterday, I had my first child and I was 27.

I left home at 17 and never returned, but always knew my family was there if I needed them.

He left home at 15 to live with his dad, and I thought he would never return. His dad died five years ago and that brought him back to my home for the last four. At 27, I had been married five years and would only be married for another five, though I already knew it wouldn't last - we weren't a good match. My boy has had a casual girlfriend for the last three years, but he says they aren't a perfect match. He's had a couple of other serious girlfriends - and still talks to them on occassion. He's nowhere near ready to be married. I was eager to get back to work after having my baby - I had a great career started at AAF in DC with lots of travel and exciting events. My baby eagerly awaited the release of a new video game last night. He rarely leaves his room and has two computers set up to play the games. Sometimes the sound of the shooting shakes the walls of the house. His unemployment was extended - he's been out of work since January.

Now my dad is gone and I don't really have that feeling of safety anymore. I have to take care of my mom and I don't really want to be taking care of a kid. Time for my 27 year old to be a grown up.

Homecoming

Lindsay and her boyfriend only posed for a few minutes with us. Then they were on their way to dinner, ice cream, dance, afterparty. Here's my favorite shot.

Staying Home

This is the first weekend since Dad's gone that I haven't spent at Mom's. She was supposed to come to visit us but instead will only come for a couple of hours Saturday to see niece Lindsay in her homecoming glam. We love taking those girlie pictures after suffering through all the boys and their black tuxes. And our Lindsay is a stunner so it will be fun.


So Friday I went with my Sandys to a little expo with makeup and massages and jewelry and purses. I had to buy this one. It just called to me!

Then on to Fintini's for a pop. My second Sandy went nuts over the band's cover of Jethro Tull's Locomotive Breath. Now, I remember the chorus from the days of my youth.... "you know it won't slow down..." But I'll be damned if I knew it was about trains. Isn't it?

Two months ago my plans were to be in Texas today for a four day weekend and sister Karen's 50th birthday. Couldn't do it with all the time I was off for the funeral and mom's affairs. Let's hope her family treated her like a queen!

Feeling Blue

Why is that just when you think you're really rolling, have everything under control - SLAM - you're stopped in your tracks and - SLAP - it hits you right in the face that everything is in chaos. The house is a mess; work is screwed up; nothing to wear to the early morning meeting because clothes are in a pile waiting to go to the cleaners instead of hanging neat in the closet waiting to be worn.

Bad hair and a giant pimple always seem to show up at the same time. If you wear glasses too, well, you know what they say about glasses and passes.

Last week during the dad crisis, I was a rock. Today, I'm a wreck. It's cold and rainy too. So -- I'm going to eat Cocoa Puffs in hot milk wearing bright green sweat pants, big socks, turn on the gas fireplace and watch crap TV. I have ice cream if that's not enough chocolate. Pray for my blood sugar.