Threes?

If it's true that deaths come in threes, then I've had my three and deserve a respite. I adamantly declare that I've had enough of people and pets dying. I'm done, I'm sad, my whole body is sad. I loved my dad, though he was the hardest one of the three to be around. I loved my Mary, and really admired her fight right up to the end, but we didn't see each other every day. The damn dog was part of my every day. Even at work I was thinking about him when I had to brush dog hair off my clothes.

So I hereby declare that noone close to me can die for quite a while so I can recover.

Vince

Our dog died today, two years after the vet said he had six months. He was a giant yellow lab and once belonged to my ex-husband. Prince Mikey brought him home after their dad died. He's been here five years and was almost 14 years old. I'm allergic to dogs, and this guy shed like torrential rain. But he was such a sweet old dog. I loved him, groomed him, walked him, fed him. He was gentle with kids, only barked when a stranger was at the door, came when called (most of the time). Just wanted to be loved. He slept on my bed when Mike wasn't home. He loved to be chased around our little condo with his toys. I had a stuffed Detroit Lion that roared, and that became one of his favorites. I loved seeing him run around with the lion in his mouth and I would say, "look, even my dog can beat the Lions!" My heart is broken.

2009

Here we go - it's already 11 days into 2009 and I'm still not done processing everything from 2008. I'm becoming more and more feeble-minded - or I've just lived through one hell of a year. Maybe both? Here's what I wrote on the first of last year, and I'm surprised I didn't write anything about the wedding or weddings that consumed the first nine months of 2008.

I've got a lot to do in the next ten years. I have to stay healthy because they don't deserve to lose another parent too early. I have to get my finances in order because I don't want to be poor. I'm nine credits into this master's degree, so it would be good to finish - and keep the 4.0 I've got going so far.
I'd like to move to a warmer climate and hope the boys won't be too far away so that we can always be together at holidays. I hope to go to Paris or Rome or both. I'd like to visit Las Vegas and Honolulu too. I would really like grandchildren, and I'd like to still have my parents around. They are 76 and 78 now, and going strong! I'd like my brother to get his act together - that would certainly increase the life expectancy of mom and dad.

I haven't done much to be healthier; I still need to get my finances in order; I have 12 credits done and a 3.9 gpa and am enrolled again this winter semester. Thinking more and more about the warmer climate as I look at 10 inches of snow, another week of below zero temps after having spent the last week of December in sunny Florida.

Still plan to visit Paris, Rome and Honolulu, went to Vegas -- BORING. Still want grandchildren, will wait patiently. Don't have both parents around. (see earlier post) Brother still needs to get act together.

Started 2008 with Dad and college roommate Mary. Ended the year with both of them gone. Luckily both were at the wedding and could share in my very happy time. I wish Mary had a better spot in my girlfriend picture, she was ready to end the night though, and I made her stay for the picture. She's in the very back row, last one on the right.

For 2009

I am so thankful that Prince Dan lets me share in his life, and I will do what I can to help him start anew with Laura now that they are back in Michigan. I just wish that Prince Mike would understand that's all I need and want from him. He probably does understand, because he withholds it like a weapon. But I will do what I can to help him be a grown-up, because he resists that as much as he resists my love. I will also encourage my mother's independence. She's smart and capable and she needs to boost her confidence. The crazy thing is - she's totally dependent on me one minute, then tells me what to do the next!! I need to remember these things with my own children.

I'll look for baby steps to improve my health, bought vitamins yesterday! And pay down the credit cards - $10,000 less debt by this time next year, since I'm not paying anyone's tuition or car payments or weddings. Only three weddings on the horizon for this year, compared to last year's five; and two graduations - Lindsay and JJ.

Most of all, I will let my girlfriends know how much they meant to me through the year, good times and bad. All the chicks in that picture, including my two sisters, helped me and my family in some way this past year, and I love them dearly for it.

Mary Dinkel

Mary Dinkel, 54, of Ada, died peacefully at home on December 12, 2008. In later life, Mary was a walking miracle, outliving her doctors' prognosis by more than seven years through tenacity, research and intuition. She learned a lot about herself and life's priorities during her illness, especially the value of honoring her spiritual intuition to guide her life and treatment. She enjoyed many personal and professional accomplishments and died with few regrets. Mary's personal life-spark lit up many individual lives as well as any room she entered. She met her beloved husband and closest friend, Mark Johnson, at a concert when she was in her late 30s. She described Mark as a fabulous father to their twin children, Lauren and Will, whom she loved from the moment she was pregnant and who were the lights of her life. She had a deep appreciation of motherhood and felt blessed to enjoy thirteen years with her children. Some of her happiest days were spent watching Lauren and Will playing with their dogs, and she hereby reminds Mark to spend half an hour walking Champ every day.

Mary was smart, independent, irreverent, loving, funny and caring. Her gifts were displayed in varied careers as a journalist, lawyer and artist. She grew up in Grand Rapids, the oldest of 10 children, attending St. Thomas School where she wrote and produced plays, an early indication of her literary talents. She later was Arts and Entertainment editor of the Western Michigan University student newspaper. Her writings included essays, short fiction and poetry. After graduating from WMU, she won an Associated Press award for feature articles while on the Decatur, Illinois Herald and Review staff. She hit a glass ceiling early in journalism and transferred her writing and analytical skills to the legal profession. After graduating from the St. Louis University School of Law, she returned to Grand Rapids and was in private practice for 25 years. Her legal practice was varied and she ultimately "hung out her shingle" as a sole practitioner. She always tried to help her clients see the light at the end of the tunnel, and describes her fellow lawyers as good people doing their best to help their clients. She was active in bar activities at the local and state levels such as the Grand Rapids Bar Association and Women Lawyers Association of Michigan, West Michigan Region. She was a card carrying member of the ACLU. When breast cancer forced her to retire from a growing and successful legal practice, she was able to explore more fully her artistic side; her paintings are a source of beauty to her family and friends. She was a voracious reader and contemplative writer, who perceived the spiritual essence in life and the many people she met. Mary was preceded in death by her father, Lawrence Dinkel and her baby sister, Betsy. Mary is survived by her husband, Mark Johnson, and their children, Lauren and William Johnson. Other family survivors include her mother, Elizabeth Dinkel, and siblings, Lawrence (Ruth Ann), Cathy (Bruce) Newell, Paul, Joe (Deb), Chris (Kim), John (Robin), Stephanie and Jennifer (Tim) Brom; her mother-in-law, Thelma Johnson of Glenarm, Maryland; many nieces and nephews and extended family members. Mary asks her family and friends to remember that love is everywhere, to celebrate her life and help her children recall her personal essence. "A child is born, the old must die. A time for joy, a time to cry. So take it as it passes by and let it be a dance." Visitation will be Monday, December 15 from 2 to 4 and 6 to 8 p.m. at the O'Brien-Eggebeen-Gerst Chapel, 3980 Cascade Rd. SE. Family and friends will pray the Rosary at 6:30 p.m. followed by a short memorial remembrance service. Mass of Christian Burial will be held at St. Robert of Newminster Church, 6477 Ada Drive, Ada, on Tuesday, December 16 at 11:00 a.m., Rev. R. Louis Stasker, presiding. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the William and Lauren Johnson College Fund through Putnam Investments, 1430 Monroe Ave. NW, Grand Rapids, 49503, (616) 458-8990, attention John Parras. She loved daisies. O'Brien Eggebeen Gerst

Spent a day and a half saying goodbye to the bravest woman I know. For the past 8 years, my college roommate Mary has been outsmarting cancer. We met for lunch in Lansing after the holidays in 2000. A couple of weeks later I called to ask her where she got the boots she had worn to lunch. The breast cancer diagnosis had been delivered that day. There were many other times when I called on the day she needed me. I expect she'll speak to me some way when the battle is over. In late fall of 2001 I accompanied her to New Orleans. The reconstruction surgeon, she found the best one in the country, tatooed nipples for her after all signs of cancer were gone. We shopped and savored the city. One evening found us following a Dixieland band into our hotel lobby where a bride and groom ended their reception with one last dance. It was delightful. Mary saw a psychic who told her to leave her job and be more creative. She closed her law practice, went to writer's retreats and took painting classes. Today she wanted me to take the outfit she bought during that trip.
After the New Orleans trip, we began our Labor Day weekends together at Gun Lake. Most every year we spent the summer days at her cottage, with her two young children running around us while we talked and laughed, read books and remembered our 20s. I had my children at 27 and 30. Mary was 42 when she had the twins. I married at 22, divorced at 32; we were 38 when Mary and Mark were married. Mary was a bridesmaid in my wedding.
In the fall of 2002, just when I was feeling empty-nested, the cancer had spread to her liver and bones. She found a treatment in Germany and I went along for the first week. It was my first trip to Europe. She had backpaced around four or five countries as a college sophomore. Mary was feeling good enough to have dinner out most of the week. We had Chinese food, Italian food, everything but German food. Daytimes she had infusions and tests. I read a lot of books, met a lot of people from various European countries who all spoke English, who all had cancer. Mary returned to the BadAibling clinic a number of times to receive the treatment that isn't approved in the states. Her liver was cancer free after a year.

For the past five years we've stayed in touch more than we have since we left college. She was here for my 50th surprise birthday party; and I went with her to Chicago for a new doctor and treatment. I didn't go to Gun Lake this Labor Day because it was the week after the wedding. Mark and Mary were at the wedding with the kids. She had said it for many years: "cancer free by Christmas." I was sure she was right. She attacked the monster with strategy, finding the best doctors and treatments; with lifestyle, changing most food to organic; and with karma, by being creative, and utilizing every spiritual tool available.
A few weeks ago her energy was fading, and she found out her liver was filled with the monster. When I left today they were going to celebrate Christmas early.
I have always called her "my Mary." I'm certain we'll stay connected.

Holiday Shopping

Visited the dollar store last night to pick up gift bags and little add-ons for the presents I'm wrapping. One birthday and the first Christmas party this week. At the check out, along with the gum and eyeglass repair kits, hung home pregnancy tests. Talk about your impulse buys. I don't think I've ever seen condoms at the dollar store, have you? Are dollar stores owned by pro-lifers?

I'm imaging the checkout conversations. "No Billy, you can't have any more candy, pick something without sugar, how about this home pregnancy test." Or maybe, "Oh honey look, a home pregnancy test, I've been meaning to grab one of those." "Get a couple, they're only a buck."

Crafty Women

Sat with BFF Sandy on Saturday at her mom's women's club expo. Sandy is selling her crafts under the business name: Eye Candy By Sandy. Gotta love it. She is crocheting scarves and making purses out of placemats. Rain kept the crowds away but we enjoyed the day anyway. I brought a few crafting supplies of my own and made some Thanksgiving cards.